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15 Comments Guaranteed to Ruin a First Date

First date

Your hair is coiffed. Your breath is a minty collection of Crest, Scope and Ice Breakers gum. Your scent is a dazzling aroma that says “seduction.”

In short, you are ready for your first date with the man or woman who may one day become the mother or father of your children.

Before you start discussing center pieces at your wedding and signing up for the waiting list at the posh daycare in town, though, there are some key things you should not say on that first date in order to avoid ruining that glorious future.

Here are 15 things you can say on a first date that will end the relationship before you can even say “match-dot-com.”

“Actually, you also had dessert, so you’re going to have to throw in another eight bucks.”

Eating Dessert

“We need to turn around. I left my gift card for dinner at home.”

Car Turning in Lot

“Let me get a picture of you just in case we need to give a ‘last seen’ photo to the cops.”

Take Photo of Woman

“I have a great night planned for us. I don’t want to give too much away, but let me ask just you — how do you feel about cockfighting?”

Cock Fight

“I have a 10:00 curfew.”


“Can you sign this release?”

Woman Signing Contract

“This is a pretty big date because it will tell me once and for all whether or not I’m gay.”

Woman Chasing Man

“You look just like my mommy.”


“I’m all about putting women first. I mean, I did let you take the window seat on the bus.”

Bus Window

“Before we go to dinner, I’m going to need to stop by my grandmother’s house to give her a sponge bath.”

Rock and Roll Grandmom

“You look about 20 pounds lighter in your profile picture.”

Heavier Woman

“I like big butts and I cannot lie. All you other brothers can’t deny.”

Baby Got Back

“Let’s lighten the mood a little. Where do you stand on abortion?”

Abortion Rally

“Do I smell?”

Man Stinks

“You smell.”

Smelling Feet

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