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6 Ways to Use Your Mom to Pick Up Women

Old Woman On Date With Son

Every dating website will preach the importance of a “wing man.” Wing men are overrated. Wing women are the key to sex-cess.

Every single guy needs a wing woman, and he need to look no further than his own family tree for the perfect co-pilot. Moms make an amazing wing person and can get you laid more than you could ever imagine.

Here are six ways to use your mother to pick up women.

Ice Breaker Mom

Make Her the Ice Breaker


Mothers will talk to anyone, at any time, for any reason. They are great at breaking the ice with random strangers. Take your mom to the mall, find a group of attractive women, and tell her to just walk up and start a conversation about their shoes/clothes/were Fredrick’s of Hollywoods is located and work your way into the conversation.

If she doesn’t like shopping, take her to lunch at Applebee’s (she’d never turn down Applebee’s) and get her to start a conversation with the attractive waitresses/bartenders/women stuffing their faces with never-ending pasta.

The point is just take her to BLANK and tell her to go talk to BLANK and move in for the kill.

Mom and Daughter

Her Friend’s Have Daughters


Mom LOVES playing matchmaker, and the reason we know this fact, is because she’s only tried to set you up a million times with random women. You always say no. Stop saying no.

She has friends (somehow) and those friends have single, divorced, widowed daughters looking to meet a nice boy. Unfortunately, she only knows you (and you aren’t that nice) but she thinks the sun rises and sets with your alarm clock so she’ll suggest they date her son.

Just try and be a little nice to those women because word will travel back to your mother and it’s really awkward explaining to the woman who birthed you why “anal is a deal breaker.”

Nice To Mom

Be Nice to Her In Public


Take her to Cheesecake Factory, open the door for her, order her food, wipe her mouth, laugh loudly at her jokes and do all the things your old man used to do when he was trying to nail her.

Other women will notice how nice you are to your mother. They’ll find you charming.They love a man who’s nice to his mother — even after three slices of cheesecake and four Pinot Grigios.


Waiting Room

Get Her Sick


Nothing serious, just a head cold or walking pneumonia, and offer to take her to the doctor. Normal people don’t visit the MD for these reasons, but once a person hits a certain age, they visit the doctor for every single ailment just in case, you know, there is a chance they might die.

The doctor’s office is loaded with women taking their sick mom to get medical treatment and nurses who see nothing but sick old people all day. You’ll be a ray of sunshine in a sea of broken hips.

Ryan Gosling and Mom

Bring Her as a Date


Watch any award show coverage and marvel at how women drool over famous men who bring their mother as a date. The next company outing or wine tasting at her church, offer to go as mom’s male companion. Just make sure she’s got a ride home when you hook up with some single woman that you’ve decided to give a ride…home.

Mom on Computer

Sign Her Up for a Dating Website


This only works if your dad is out of the picture, or so out of touch he doesn’t care if your mother dates, but sign mom up for a website like Help her navigate the crazy world of online dating but pay close attention to all the available men in her age range. Those men, to show they are stand-up fellas, with post photos posing with their family full of hot, single daughters who also want dad to not be lonely on a Saturday night. Make sure mom chooses to only meet men with “nice looking families” but just keep in mind those women could end up being your stepsister one day. Family reunions will be odd if you bang ALL your stepsisters. Maybe leave one alone.


NEXT: 12 Reasons Bowling On the First Date is a Dumb Idea

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