Completely Biased NFL Playoff Predictions
First off, let’s start with the most important sport. Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in 40 days. Until that glorious moment, the NFL Playoffs will suffice. As a Chicago Bears and Denver Broncos fans, here are my completely biased picks.
Wild Card Weekend: Green Bay sucks. Even though they beat the Bears, they still suck. Even if they win the Super Bowl, they still suck. The Packers will always suck. For this reason I’m predicting that the 49ers will run all over the weak Packer defense. The game will quickly turn into a blowout after Justin Smith sacks Aaron Rodgers in the first quarter and re-injures his broken collarbone. Final Score: 49ers 49, Packers 0.
The Saints – Eagles game should be exciting. Two high scoring offenses will put points on the board, in spite of the gold weather. Ultimately, the Saints defense is better than Philly’s. Final Score: Saints 34 – Eagles 31.
The Kansas City Chiefs also suck. They are easily the most overrated team in football. They piled up early season wins by playing a last place schedule and won’t be able to score against a defense designed to stop Jamaal Charles, their only threat. Final Score: Colts 27 – Chiefs 13.
The Chargers – Bengals game will also be lopsided. Cincinnati is undefeated at home and San Diego was lucky just to make the playoffs. Phillip Rivers is the whiniest crybaby in the league and he will blame his teammates when the Chargers are unable to move the ball against a good defense that’s playing at home in cold weather. Final Score: Bengals 24 – Chargers 3.
The rest of the playoffs will shape up like this. In the AFC, the Bengals will go to New England and upset the Patriots in a close game. The Broncos will struggle early, but will turn it on late to beat the Colts. Which sets up the Conference Championship game in Denver, where AJ Green will catch 3 TD’s against a weak Broncos secondary. However, the Bengals D won’t be able to contain Peyton Manning and all of the weapons in his arsenal.
Over in the NFC, the 49ers – Seahawks game will be a war. Both defenses will dominate, but turnovers, special teams and the best home field advantage in the NFL will propel Seattle to the Conference Championship Game. In Carolina, the Saints offense will be neutralized by an outstanding Panthers D. Cam Newton will make a couple big plays late to set up a showdown between the two best defenses in football. Ultimately, the lack of playoff experience will come back to haunt Carolina on the road in a hostile environment. Russell Wilson will hook up with Percy Harvin to clinch a Super Bowl birth for the birds.
In the Super Bowl, the Seahawks secondary will do a good job of containing Peyton Manning’s receivers. However, the Seattle offense won’t have the horses to keep up with the Broncos and Denver will raise the Vince Lombardi trophy.
You heard it here first. Take it straight to Vegas and thank me later. And don’t forget, the Packers suck and so do the Kansas City Chiefs. If you root for either of those times, there is clearly something wrong with you.