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Hyper Penis Ranking Shows Men How They Stand Up Against the Competition

Measuring up
Medioimages, Photodisc

Sometimes it seems like more men are worried about how their junk measures up against others in the pack than they are with where they are going to get their next meal.

The truth is, every man suffers from a little penis envy, and curiosity, from time to time. Unfortunately, unless a dude wants to run the risk of getting his teeth knocked out in a public restroom trying to sneak a peek, there is no easy way of gauging exactly how one guy’s meat stick stands up against the competition. That is, until now.

Thanks to a Japanese website called Haipaa Chinchin Rankingu (translates to “hyper penis ranking”), men can now see exactly where their schlong ranks in the grand scheme of millions of metric, oriental boners. Yes, unfortunately, this site only ranks the size of your junk in comparison to men in Japan, which from what we hear, gives some of you a slight advantage.

Don’t know how to accurately measure your meat package? First, you’ll need a set of tweezers and a magnifying glass – then proceed, as follows:

  1. Stand with your back straight.
  2. Make your penis large. (This might be tricky for some of you…but make it as big as you can)
  3. Align your penis horizontally with the floor. (Try it vertically and you might have to call 911)
  4. Rest a ruler on the upper length of your penis. (You probably will not be able to set the entire ruler on it, due to the majority of it being volatile to gravity)
  5. Press the end of the ruler against you pelvis.
  6. Measure from the base to the tip of the gland.

After you have destroyed most of what is left of your self-esteem by coming up shorter than you anticipated, eliminate the rest of it by entering your meat measurement (in centimeters) here. You’ll have to translate the outcome of your entry – that is, if it is even big enough to show up in the rankings.

Good luck, millimeter Peter!

NEXT: Man Reported Missing by Mom Was Just Having a Lot of New Year’s Sex

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