Idiot DJ Gives New Meaning to the Term “Freezing My Ass Off”

Last night, I walked across the street to get a burger at the Rex.  As I attempted to cross 1st Avenue, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell into a snow drift on the side of the road.  It was then I realized that wearing baggy sweat pants is not a good idea if you are clumsy and prone to accidents.

Sadly, when I fell directly on my backside, my sweatpants came down with me.  Let me tell you, snow is even colder when it gets stuck in your butt crack.  Without being overly specific, let's just say it was an uncomfortable walk home.  For a minute, I even worried that I might get frostbite of the butt crack.  Fortunately, I was able to warm up my snowy crack with a space heater.

Let this be a lesson to you.  If you are going to wear baggy sweatpants in the middle of winter, be careful when you walk.  Your pants will fall down when you do.  Like the old saying goes, "crack kills".  A snowy crack might not be deadly, but it's damn cold.