It’s Colder Than…
As the great Tom Waits once sang, "It's colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog pullin' nine suckin' pups up a hill carrying a #4 trap in the dead of winter with a mouth full of porcupine quills." If you're stuck at work this week, chances are you'll have several conversations with your colleagues about the frigid weather we're experiencing. Here's a few lines you may want to incorporate into those discussions.
It's Colder Than...
A pimp's heart (from the Social Distortion song "Prison Bound")
A well digger's arse
A witch's other elbow (PC version)
A Tibetan tin toilet top
A Polar Bear's toenails
Moonlight on a tombstone
Your girlfriend Julie after you accidentally call her Stephanie
Penguin snot
An eskimo's outhouse
A toilet seat in an igloo
A Hellen Keller joke
Rudolph's nads in a headwind
A cow teet in Canada
Frosty the Snowman with an ice cycle up his butt
A brass suppository
After you've exhausted those lines, you'll want to switch over to these classic "It's so cold" phrases. It's so cold ______.
My nuts just hibernated
Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets
Hitchhikers are holding up pictures of their thumbs
The police told a robber to freeze and he did
I saw an Amish guy buy an electric blanket
My nipples are picking up FM radio
Kids at the mall have pulled their pants up
I had to check my driver's license to see what sex I am
Hookers are charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands
The steam coming off my head started a war between two Native American tribes
Obama is moving back to Kenya
It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey