Never Mind ‘Armageddon’ — We’d Like Apologies For These 5 Terrible Films, Please
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It was reported this week that Hollywood mega-director and explosions enthusiast Michael Bay had apologized for his 1998 disaster flick ‘Armageddon’ during a red carpet interview for his latest, ‘Pain and Gain.’ When word spread that his quote showed some degree of humility, he quickly took to his official forum to clear the air, stating he wished he’d had more time to edit and continued to throw the studio under the bus. According to BoxOfficeMojo, ‘Armageddon’ was the #2 highest grossing film of that year and made almost $202 million at the box office. Something tells us their feelings aren’t too hurt.
Big movies always have a bigger opportunity to disappoint, so Bay’s initial apology got us thinking: there are other movies that we’re owed a serious apology for. Here are 5 such movies from the past 5 years, based on our completely
subjective objective opinion. If you disagree with our list, we welcome your additions, along with reasoning why the good people of Earth are owed such an apology for the film(s) you’ve chosen.
Please note that all ‘Transformers’ films are off limits, since they could be an entire column unto themselves.
‘A Good Day To Die Hard’ (2013)
The good name of John McClane is further sullied with this half-hearted attempt to bleed the ‘Die Hard’ saga dry of it’s action-packed integrity. Sure, Yuliya Snigir looks fantastic undressing on a motorcycle, but you know what? We’re owed an apology… and Yuliya Snigir really does look fantastic undressing on a motorcycle.
Movies based on toys or board games rarely work out the way our nostalgic little minds want them to. With Peter Berg at the helm, though,we were willing to give this movie a shot. After all, the man is a respected director and the driving force behind Friday Night Lights,’ may it rest in peace. However, we quickly realized that this flick WAS really nothing more than the disappointing love-child of ‘Independence Day’ and the Hasbro game of the same name. Consider our hopes — and wallets — sunk. Thankfully, there was Brooklyn Decker. Apologize for the movie, but never Brooklyn Decker.
‘The Hangover Part II’ (2011)
We know what you’re thinking: how could you not give 2011’s Apology Honors to ‘The Green Lantern?’ Despite Ryan Reynolds’ comedic gifts, ‘The Green Lantern’ raised red flags from the trailer alone. However, ‘The Hangover Part II’ was the exact same movie as the original except it was set in Bangkok. The exact. same. movie. Fool us once? Shame on you, Todd Philips. Fool us twice…
‘The Last Airbender’ (2010)
‘The Sixth Sense?’ Good. ‘Unbreakable?’ Underrated. After that, M. Night Shymalan went on a tear of duds from ‘Signs’ to ‘The Happening.’ Hopes were high for ‘Airbender,’ but the result was a visually-stunning but utterly boring mess. We don’t want to spoil any endings for you, but someone owes us an apology and our money back.
‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ (2009)
‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ really clawed (see what we did there?) it’s way to the top of our Apology List for 2009. It faced some stiff competition from ‘Terminator Salvation,’ ‘G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra,’ and ‘Watchmen.’ Aside from the lame title and poor uses of fan-favorite characters like Gambit and Deadpool, whatever rebuttal you may give for this choice, we have just one thing to say: Will.I.Am.