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Rage Against the Vending Machine

If you work in an office, chances are there’s a vending machine at your job that’s been robbing you for years.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve attempted to tilt the office vending machine until it gave me my damn soda or my money back.  Yesterday, I finally got my revenge.

I swear I didn’t mean to break it.  I simply did what I do every day.  I walked up to the machine and put my two quarters in.  After taking my Wild Cherry Pepsi and walking away, I heard a thunderous noise that sounded like a car crash.  It turns out I had accidentally broken the plastic frame that keeps the soda cans inside of the machine.  Whoops.  One by one, sodas came crashing down.  It was free Pepsi day here at Townsquare Media.

While it was not my intent to break our vending machine, I don’t feel any guilt or shame about it.  For starters, it was not intentional.  I was just following instructions when the machine malfunctioned.  Additionally, I have been ripped off by so many vending machines that it was high time they paid me back.

Sure, the poor Pepsi guy is gonna have some explaining to do.  That’s too bad.  It’s not his fault that vending machines steal from everyone.  He’s got bills to pay.  His personal misfortune pails in comparison to the misery that vending machines have inflicted on millions of hard working, thirsty people all over the world.

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