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Romantic Thief Caught With Steak, Candles Stuck Down His Pants

candle thief
CCSO, Wofgang, Flickr

Dannial Ashley isn’t your typical thief. When the 31-year old was caught walking out of an East Naples, Florida supermarket with four steaks stuffed down his pants he also had two candles hidden on his person, suggesting he was trying to put together a romantic dinner on the cheap.

Ashley was spotted by store employees stuffing the packages down his pants. One employee stopped Ashley, who then removed the steaks and candles and attempted to flee on foot. Of course he dumped the merchandise, people don’t realize how hard it is to run with two candles down your BVDs. Lord forbid the rubbing of the thighs set the wicks on fire.

Ashley, who had been arrested for aggravated assault just two weeks earlier, now faces a charge of retail theft. Ashley is classified as a career criminal by the local sheriff’s office so it’s doubtful a judge will have sympathy for any “I did it for love” excuse. That line of reasoning could, however, score the crook some future conjugal visits from the woman who provoked this different kind of crime of passion.

Maybe he would have gotten away with it if he just stole some hot dogs.

[via Naples News]

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