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Sack Tapping Your Coworkers, A Cautionary Tale

This is our night guy JP doing what he does best. Sitting in his office and sending pithy e-mails to the entire staff list.

While it’s not specifically mentioned in our employee handbook, I’m fairly confident that the Townsquare Media Human Resources Department would not approve of any employee attempting to strike a colleague in the midsection.  However, some people deserve to be sack tapped.  Take, for example, our night guy J.P.

J.P. can be a real condescending imbecile at times.  His obnoxious comments, snark and sarcasm have been known to aggravate the entire office. Occasionally, his bad attitude will warrant a punch in the arm, a crop dusted office or even the dreaded sack tap.  This morning, however, I nearly made a catastrophic mistake.

I was called into the office of our Operations Manager, another annoying nitwit, to brainstorm some of his dumb ideas.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a person I presumed to be J.P.  Instinctively, I considered hitting him with a quickly delivered, perfectly timed sack tap.  I was waiting until the exact moment he opened his big, fat, dumb mouth to strike.  My hesitation turned out to be a lucky break.

The person standing over my shoulder was not our irritating night guy J.P., but rather our brand new Corporate Regional Bigwig from Boise.  After just a quick glance, they bear a slight resemblance.  Thankfully, just as I was reaching out to rack JP, I noticed that my aggression was targeted at the wrong guy, a dude who could easily fire me on the spot.  Interestingly enough, after I admitted to our new Company Overlord that I had nearly sack tapped him, he laughed and noted that J.P. “probably deserved it”.

So let this be a lesson to you, particularly if you work in a corporate environment, when you’re planning to sack tap one of your colleagues, look first.  It’s all fun and games until a tragic case of mistaken identity occurs and you accidentally bag your boss.

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