Senior Citizens Gross Everyone Out By Having Sex in BBQ Restaurant Parking Lot
Perhaps the only thing more stomach-churning than the thought of old people having sex is actually witnessing old people having sex directly after eating.
That was the unfortunate destiny of a few unlucky folks in Sonora, CA this Valentine’s Day, when a 72-year-old woman and a 62-year-old man were stung by Cupid’s arrow and caught having sex in the parking lot of Doc’s Smoked BBQ and Burgers. Ah, nothing says love quite like shredded pork with a side of slaw, right? Actually, that’s true.
This is the strongest proof so far in the case for Social Security reform. Clearly we need to make sure the elderly have access to money to pay for discreet hotel rooms, since Linda Titus and Gary Wells decided to knock orthopedic boots in the back seat of a car. They got it on while customers walked by and presumably vomited their recently-eaten lunch on the ground when they saw Grandma and Grandpa going at it like a couple of teenagers on a Friday night at lovers’ point after the big game.
There comes a certain age when seniors think they can do whatever they want, like Uncle Leo and his book stealing habit on ‘Seinfeld.’ Titus and Wells clearly thought they had hit that point, but cops were summoned to let them know they had a better chance of not losing their breath while performing their version of the Harlem Shake.
Cops cited the amorous, not to mention naked, couple for indecent exposure before releasing them back into the world where they were responsible for millions of “ewwws” from people who heard the sordid tale.
Restaurant owner Rachael Shevlin said Wells is a regular customer, so she thinks it might be weird if he comes in again, what with the image of his fornicating self in her mind. She said, “We might all be like ‘You go deal with him. No, you go deal with him’, but you know, it will be alright.” Sounds like someone’s just a little jealous. We salute these two lovebirds, hopefully we’re still chasin’ it when we’re 700 years old, too.