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Sony Publishes Ad With Four-Breasted Woman, Everyone is Cranky About it [OPINION]

Sony PSVITA 4 Boobs

Who has two boobs and thinks four boobs are awesome? This chick! (Imagine, if you will, that I’m somehow pointing with my breasts.)

Last week, a French magazine published a two-page ad for Sony’s new handheld system, the PSVITA, featuring a woman with two sets of melons and the loosely translated: “Touch both sides. Twice the sensations.” Get it? The PSVITA has sensors on both sides of it, for better game play. The girl has two sets of knockers, which makes back rubs way more fun. As usual, the internet is outraged.

So look, I have pretty huge cans. I like them, they are fun. Though I don’t necessarily want them to be what I’m best known for, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that a part of your body is particularly awesome. For better or for worse, my cones also afford me some advantages that men don’t have; that’s just the nature of our society. I don’t flaunt them, but I don’t hide them either; mostly because it would be impossible, and also because they are a part of the power of being a woman. Men and women are different; I can’t lift gigantic things easily, and you can’t cut in line for the bathroom when you wear a tank top. (Please, straight men of the world, stop wearing tank tops.)

I’m all about being treated as an equal and receiving the same opportunities as men, and I do! The reason I do has nothing to do with my ample rib cushions, and they don’t really get in the way of those opportunities (unless I am trying to edit an article while jumping rope, because then our male editor in chief would definitely have the advantage). While I’m all for fighting sexism and discrimination, I don’t want to do it at the cost of my rights to love my body or anyone elses’ right to love it, too.

Total Recall Kaitlin Leeb

Plus, why no outrage over Kaitlin Leeb’s triple yabbos in the ‘Total Recall’ remake? Is there a feminist boob law that specifies that three are okay, just not four?

I’m not really sure what the problem is. Though I definitely wouldn’t want to have “back knockers” permanently, I’d try it for a day. Think of the possibilities! Slow-dancing gropes! Trampolines! Pictures with T&A in the same shot! Let’s hear it for tatas, fellas. As for me, I’m off to put on three sports bras before I take my lunch-break run. It’s not all free drinks and line-cutting, that’s for sure, but I sure am glad I don’t have testicles that I can sit on accidentally. My heart goes out to you.

[Note: I don’t intend to speak on behalf of all women, and I may be a little atypical, since I am the one who published this, but I for one support your right to tactfully notice how well I fill out this sweater.]

Next: Check Out These Babes, I Support Your Research

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