This weekend, my lady friend and I decided to have a drink at the Rainbow Bar on Montana Avenue.  For those of you who have ever frequented this fine establishment, you know that the Rainbow is the one place in Billings where a person can get completely hammered for $10.

Every time I've set foot in that bar, it's been a night changing experience.  Any plans made after the Rainbow are tentative at best.  Chances are, you will not walk out of the Rainbow.  You will stumble out, usually in no condition to function for the rest of the evening.  That's one reason why I like hanging out there.  The other is the colorful clientele.

Once, a drunk old man asked me if I could give him a ride to the hospital.  I informed him that if I drove anywhere, we would both need medical attention.  Another time, a drunken derelict tried to steal the tip I had left the bar tender.  It turns out he had mistaken the two one dollars bills I left on the bar for the last two dollar bills he had to his name.  After a sincere apology and a sad story about how he "hopped the wrong train" and ended up in Billings, I bought him several lukewarm PBR's.

Saturday evening was the first time I have ever taken a lady to the Rainbow.  Not surprisingly, the patrons weren't shy in expressing their appreciation for her beauty.  Should you decide to take your better half to this bar, here are the 3 types of guys you can expect to hit on her.

 #1. The Sad Guy -

This is the dude whose old lady just left him. He is miserable, depressed and lonely. After engaging your lady friend with compliments, he will then offer to buy both of you drinks while he politely tells you how lucky you are to have such a gorgeous woman on your arm. After he tells you his life story, you will shake his hand and encourage him that his luck is bound to pick up.

#2. The Dude Who Strikes Up a Conversation With You in the Men's Room -

There you are, standing at the urinal, going about your business. When this man will point out that "it smells like weed in here". After a brief conversation about the quality and quantity of the pot that was recently smoked in the restroom, he will follow you back to the bar. He will then repeatedly tell you how hot the woman standing next to you is. When he discovers that she is with you, he will congratulate you and ask a series of crude questions about her body and/or turn-ons. He will offer to buy her a drink, but not you. He will however give you a high five and speculate about the size of your manhood.

#3. The Drunk Butt Grabber -

This guy will randomly approach your lady friend and grab her butt. After he is told to mind his manners, he will become belligerent and remind your lady friend that she can do better than you. He will then get angry and insult you. Finally, he will curse at her before he is warned by the bartender and threatened with ejection. This guy will usually already have one black eye and will remind you that he is both wealthy and well endowed.

Although I wouldn't recommend it for couples looking to enjoy a romantic night out, the Rainbow can be a fun place to party, especially if you're trying to get sauced in a hurry. However, be fully prepared to dedicate the rest of your evening to the bar. Because after you leave the Rainbow, your night will never be the same.