The Cougar Discusses Threesomes and Mama’s Boys! – Ask a Cougar

You reached out to Barb to ask some questions, and we’ve got Barb’s answers for you!
Thanks to everyone who reached out with your questions.

First of all...Dudes?!?! Wake up!!!! Women are pre-programmed in a way to EXPECT superhuman feats from men. It is a delicate balance. It is on us right now. Why? Because "back in the day" of our parents and grandparents, we all comfortably fit into roles. Now, with certain societal paradigm shifts, those roles and boundaries are blurred. But one thing is not. Women DO NOT want to see indecisive, weak, whiny, emotionally-vulnerable, shiftless dudes who do not know who they are. And here now is this week's burning question for Barb the Cougar,if women have to deal with your little boy crap, do not women get confused as well? How many times have you seen a mommy/son relationship when it is supposed to be husband/wife? GUYS, man up or wait until you figure out how, then get back out there...and stop your damn whining. 

Sincerely, 
Get Real

Dear Get Real,

So those are the only choices? “Indecisive, weak, whiny, emotionally-vulnerable, shiftless dudes who do not know who they are” or misogynistic, ego-driven, over-compensating, swaggering Neanderthals? There’s no middle ground? I’m not so sure about that. I’m not so sure about that. I think most dudes fall between those two extremes. Anyway, we are no longer “back in the day.” Women can hold down a job, take care of kids as well as parents, drive, and even vote. It’s CRAZY!! And women only expect what YOU program us, individually, to expect. For example, if you begin a relationship by sending extravagant flowers once a week, we wonder what’s wrong when a week goes by without them. The expectations are set by YOU, so be really careful before the expensive dinner as a first date. We can be just as happy at Applebee’s if the conversation is right. We agreed to go out with you in the first place, ok? Maybe take some time getting to know us first before you try to sweep us off our feet. That way you can do something that seems like a small gesture but mean the world to us as an individual because you actually listened to us and remembered what we said. Those little things go a LONG way!

Now, yes, we do deal with Mama’s boys, but not for long. I made the mistake of getting serious with a mealy-mouthed mama’s boy, and was it a mistake!! (OK, yeah, I should have seen it coming when he said he shared a 4-plex with his mom and he went to her place for lunch every day. My bad.). Mama’s boys might be the WORST when it comes to dating because they seem so outwardly normal. They are also sensitive, kind, and attentive. But the more time that goes on, the more we realize that the sensitivity is actually insecurity, the kindness is a cover for neediness, and the attentiveness is actually extreme narcissism. These little boys have no idea who they are because their identity is totally wrapped up in mama. This is not their fault; not totally. It lies with a mother who refuses to let her precious baby go. The mama of my ex was ridiculous. She was CONVINCED that her little angel could do no wrong and any altercation must be the fault of the undeserving female who had caught him in her web. Guys, if you really like a girl, get out of mommy’s house!!! NOW!!! Girls, if you meet a man like this. Run. Away. Quickly.

You’re welcome.

Love,

Barb

Dear Cougar
My gf is open to me being with other girl while she watches, but we have been looking for over a year. Do you know of anyways that might peak a lady into doing this with us? And as a Cougar would the older women be more open in do this type of thing?

Dear Horn Ball,

Older women would most likely not be interested in doing this. First of all, what’s in it for us? Where’s the benefit statement? It might be wonderfully titillating to you and your gal, but for the spectator it’s a different story. She might be intrigued for a moment, but I would venture to guess that after 15 minutes or so, she’ll be pouring herself a glass of that Cline Viognier you’ve been saving for your favorite sister’s bat mitzvah (or whatever; wine isn’t in my house long enough to save for a special occasion so I’m unsure as to why and how people save it.) and then propping her feet up on your coffee table to watch 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,' which would be wildly more interesting to a cultured woman than what you have in mind.

My advice is to go to the local party store of your choice and purchase one of those cardboard cut-outs. For a mere $39.95 you can pick the particular girl you want. Like Marilyn? There you go. Have a thing for Dorothy in her sparkly red shoes? Buy her. Princess Leia? Arwen? You see where I’m going with this. It seems like a brilliant investment to me. I had a friend who had a cardboard “standee” of Legolas from Lord of the Rings. I don’t know why she had this and the opportunity to ask never really surfaced. Anyway, she had him in the corner of her living room for several years and she would decorate him depending on what holiday was coming up. I saw him in Santa hats, kilts, bunny ears, etc. So there’s another benefit.

Happy shopping.

You’re welcome.

Love,

Barb