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The Drunkest Dude in Billings

Photo by George Marks/Retrofile/Getty Images

Saturday was a crazy day here at the Hawk.  Not only did we ride in the St. Patrick’s Parade, but 25 teams went bar hopping all over Billings for our Pub Golf Tournament.

I can’t tell you how many drunk people I hung out with.  But I do know who the drunkest guy in Billings was, and his celebration had nothing to do with St. Patrick’s Day.

Saturday morning at 8 am, I stopped by the Albertson’s on 27th Street to pick up a few things.  There was a drunk guy in the checkout line who had swiped his credit card, but had no items for purchase.  The conversation went something like this:

Albertson’s clerk:  Sir, would you like to buy something?

Drunk dude:  Yes

Clerk:  What would you like to buy?

Drunk dude:  Yes

Clerk:  Sir, you don’t have anything to purchase

Drunk Dude:  What do you mean?

Clerk:  Sir, you swiped your credit card but you haven’t purchased any items

Drunk Dude:  I paid for it

Clerk:  Sir, what is it that you’d like to purchase?  I can’t charge you if you don’t have a purchase.

Drunk Dude:  What exactly do you want me to buy?

Clerk:  That’s what I’m asking you.

This went on for about 5 minutes.  The people behind him in line would have been annoyed, if we weren’t laughing.  Finally, the clerk called her manager.  After another round of questioning with the drunk dude, he finally agreed to leave…on one condition.  He wanted a receipt.  After explaining to him that there was no receipt because he didn’t purchase anything, the man demanded that the clerk return his credit card. She explained that she didn’t have his credit card and assured the man that his card hadn’t been charged.

Finally, the drunk dude stumbled out of the store.  That’s when another employee came up from the back to inform the clerk and the manager that the drunk dude had actually passed out in the bathroom before he woke up and walked towards the register.

Good times.

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