You reached out to Barb to ask some questions, and we’ve got Barb’s answers for you!
Thanks to everyone who reached out with your questions.

Here is a letter I received a couple days ago:

Dear Barb,


I'm a woman by the way. I'm only 26 and not even close to being a cougar and a mother of 2. Almost every men who send me friend requests are 5-6 years younger than me.


I happen to chat with one who was two years younger than me and when i told him i was 26, he was like, "cool! The older the better." I ask him, "why's that?" And replies with an "I dont know."


I also chatted with a 20 yr old back in the fall and he doesnt mind talking to an older woman and a 21 year old a few weeks ago.


The 21 yr old ask me how old i was and i told him my age. He reply with "Awesome!" and asked me if i want to go out but i told him i dont date men younger than 25 and if hes a year young, i'd be okay with it or else we can only remain friends if hes under 25.


My question is, why do younger men prefer older women nowadays? What does an older woman have that attracts younger men and why they think the older is better?




Just Curious

Dear Curious,

Seriously? Why do they think older is better? Because it is!!!

Let me fill you in on a little secret about something that happens to women after they turn 30…and even MORE after they turn 40. We simply don’t give a crap anymore. All the petty rubbish we used to bitch about in our teens and 20s doesn’t really matter anymore. We’re busy having careers, traveling, expanding our minds, getting more out of relationships (and out of more relationships WHEW!), etc.

We don’t see other women as a threat anymore because we’ve become comfortable in our own skin. Do you know how that manifests in everything we do? CONFIDENCE!! Ask any man what they like about “older” women and guess what they’ll tell you? Yup…CONFIDENCE!!!!

We’re through playing games, we say what we mean and mean what we say. We finally understand and appreciate our own value and won’t make choices that compromise who we are as extraordinary women. Again…CONFIDENCE! We are comfortable in our own skin and that makes people, not just guys, comfortable around us.

I think you’re selling yourself short by limiting yourself to guys 25 and older. 4 or 5 years is NOTHING!!! Think about it; when you’re 66, he’ll be 61. Doesn’t seem like anything at all when you look at it that way, does it? But please wait for the 20 year old to at least become legal. You date him now and you’re opening a whole new can of worms. ;)

Where are you meeting these kids? I mean, if you are hanging out at the West expecting to meet businessmen, you might want to rethink your game plan. What age does the venue cater to? You might need to check out some different places to hang out. And do consider a 22 or 23 year old. (Unless they are a mama’s boy; see my last entry.)

You also mentioned that guys were sending you a lot of friend requests. You might want to take a look at what they are seeing and try looking through their perspective. Are you portraying yourself the way you want people to see you?

The Cougar wears many hats, and she is fabulous in all of them. Are all of your hats as fabulous as you are? Don’t sell yourself short. However, with more confidence comes more young men. Sigh, it is a burden but we all have crosses to bear. Perhaps keep one as a pet for a bit while you decide what to do next. You never know what could happen!

Good luck, darling!

You’re welcome!



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