Emerald Catron

We’re angry. Angry that somebody would take the time to make a cheeseburger so gigantic that it’s actually kind of disgusting, and not even invite us over to have some of it. Well, Black Bear Casino, you can guess where we WON’T be going for vacation this year.

After five painfully long seasons, ‘Jersey Shore‘ will begin its sixth and final season this fall. Maybe it’s because Snooki had a baby and things are starting to get real. Maybe it’s because the ratings have started dropping and show no signs of stopping. Or maybe it’s because this show is terrible. Regardless, we thought we’d pay tribute by reminding you of some of the terrible commercials the s

Every day you should find something to be grateful for. Today we’re grateful that the man with the world’s deepest voice uses it mostly for singing ‘Amazing Grace’ and never uses it for making the brown sound. ‘South Park’-ers known what we’re talking about. Although the idea that Tim Storms could do that if he wanted to probably adds to the excitement of seeing him in concert.

If you’re planning to win the hand of an Olympic gymnast who doesn’t even know you, it’s going to take a little bit more than some candy, we just learned. A fan got down on one knee (good start) and pulled out a Ring Pop (aaaand there it goes) before asking Aly Raisman if she would marry him. Mighty presumptuous of this guy, although, to be fair, she did take the candy.

We’ve all been pretty certain for quite some time that Tom Hanks is awesome. We can now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, assert that claim.

Try not to get too depressed that the Beanie Baby guy is a billionaire — at least he’s using his money for good, rather than evil. Ty Warner recently gave a woman who was trying to raise money for a medical procedure $20,000 for giving him directions.

Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are getting married. Congratulations? At least we aren’t the only people who thought this was hilarious. Here’s a roundup of our favorite Twitter reactions to the happy (but awful) news.

If there was audio for the video footage (available here) of Ryan Lochte and Prince Harry racing against each other in a Las Vegas pool, it would probably just be, “Jeah, brah! Let’s, like, totally race right now!” followed by a bunch of splashing and bro-chortles. But, alas we can only imagine what was actually said at 3am Monday morning (also known as “Party O’Clock” to people who don’t have to