Never one to hold back a good story, Zakk Wylde recently dished the dirt about his former boss Ozzy Osbourne having performance issues. And we're not talking about onstage.

While speaking to the syndicated relationship advice radio show 'Loveline' (which you can listen to above), Wylde recalled a conversation where Osbourne opened up about some personal problems. "He just goes, 'Zakk, you know, I don't drink anymore, I don't do drugs anymore. I don't even smoke; I never thought I'd give that up.' Then he goes, 'I don't even drink coffee anymore; I'm drinking tea. My schlong doesn't work.' And I go, 'Man, that's messed up.' And he goes, 'Zakk, why am I alive?'"

Wylde also remembered a time when Ozzy quipped about his manhood when the two of them were enjoying a steam backstage. He said that "these two chicks came in there ... and they [saw] me and Ozzy sitting there. And the chicks go, 'Oh my God! We're sorry.' And they just, like, ran away. And I was just cracking up, going, 'They probably didn't wanna interrupt our intimate time.' And then Ozz just goes, 'Zakk, look at me. Look at my willy. Look at the state of this.' And I just go, 'What?' and he just goes, 'Look at it! It's a sad state of affairs.' And Ozz goes like this, 'You know what those girls were thinking right now?' And I was, like, 'What's that, boss?' And he just goes, 'They took one look at this thing, and they just said, 'Huh. I guess I'll put it behind my ear and smoke it later.'"

Fortunately for Ozzy, there are cures for that now ... if we're to believe every other commercial we see during football games and the contents of our spam folders.

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