The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
I’m Almost Certain Willy Wonka Was a Pedophile [HALF A MAN]
His bulbous thumb jammed the pause button and the miniature needle slowly scraped against the disc. He asked if we needed to hear it again. The idling boombox, eager to continue on it's predestined rotation, made a whizzing noise in an oddly quiet classroom of two dozen teens...
Baltimore Ravens are Super Bowl XLVII Champions
The Baltimore Ravens survived a late 49ers surge, a controversial non-call in the endzone and a 34-minute power outage to win Super Bowl XLVII by a score of 34-31.
Courtney Lenz, Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Claims She Wasn’t Included on Super Bowl Trip Because of Weight
Courtney Lenz, a five year veteran of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleading squad, is claiming the team left her off the trip to the Super Bowl because of her "slight weight gain." Oh deer! Sorry, I meant dear. Force of habit with this squad.
Chris Culliver Pulls the Old ‘Just Kidding’ Card Regarding Anti-Gay Remarks
Chris Culliver, the San Francisco 49ers cornerback who yesterday made some inappropriate remarks about gays on Arti Lange's radio show, is backtracking on those statements with the verbal Get Out Of Jail Free card known as "just kidding."
Dan Marino Admits to Fathering a Love Child With a CBS Production Assistant
Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino has something that the other men on the CBS 'The NFL Today' show don't -- a Super Bowl ring a kid out of wedlock.
I’ve Discovered An Excuse to Get Men Out of Any Situation [Half a Man]
A recent piece of satire on one of my favorite sports websites prompted some research on another current favorite of mine – Lena Dunham. I realize that’s a substantial amount of a** kissing in one opening sentence but it’s true. Dunham is funny, unafraid to take risks and like her or not -- and plenty of people fall in the “or not” category -- she’s going to be around for a long time.
CM Punk Fan Slightly Upset About Royal Rumble Outcome
If you haven't heard by now, CM Punk's year plus reign as the WWE champion came to an end at the Royal Rumble last night. It's cool though, The Rock wrestles easily 10-11 times a year, so he should totally be champion.
Anyway, the gentleman in this video is slightly upset over the outcome of the match...
Hulk Hogan Tweets Hot Picture of His Daughter and We’re All Pretty Creeped Out About It
The legend of the Hulk Hogan we all loved as kid's is slowly fading faster than his orange day-glo skin or maybe he was always a freak and it was easier to hide back in the day.
Are You Ready Kids? SpongeBob Porn Parody ‘SpongeKnob SquareNuts’ is Rated D for Dumb
SpongeBob Squarepants is getting the porn parody treatment.
Check Out This DeLorean Converted Into a Hovercraft
Roads? Where we are going we don't need roads. A body of water wouldn't hurt though.
11 Incorrect Spellings of Manti Te’o That People Have Probably Google Searched
Manti Te'o story and his fake girlfriend (pictured hugging above) transcends sports. Everyone wants the real story. So they go to the only credible news source available -- the internet.
Occasionally, I Act Like a Serial Killer [Half a Man]
It's hidden in the back of my closet. It's been there for years. It gets mail delivered; it's that established. For four years it has maintained residence, because it managed to make it through the move from the old house. It was the first shirt hung in the new closet, because it was the first shirt out of the box, because it was the last shirt in the box after an hour of deliberation that conclud