17 Things You’ll Probably Hear in Montana During the First Big Snowstorm

You knew it was coming sooner or later. The first big snowstorm of the year is coming, starting tonight, and I'm going to tell you all of the things that you will hear tomorrow somewhere in Montana.

1. Why don't these buttholes wipe the snow from their tail lights so we can actually see when they're turning?

2. These people in (insert neighborhood or town) don't know how to drive.

3. I can't believe they are out of Heet already.

4. This office is freezing where is my portable heater?

5. I don't have money for a battery because we're going to Cat vs Griz next weekend.

6. I'm moving to Florida, I'm already sick of this S---.

7. I'm going to have to leave early today to beat the traffic home (but no, I do not leave early in the morning).

8. I'm not shoveling the snow I'm fried today.

9. If I win that lottery I'm moving to Hawaii.

10. Has anyone seen what I did with my gloves?

11. What's wrong with these tire shops in town and why is this going to take so long?

12. Now that it snowed, the big ones will come out from hiding. We better head up to (insert Montana wilderness) a day early.

13. Can you pick up the kids from daycare? I am never going to get there on time.

14. Did they cancel school yet tomorrow?

15. I can't believe the line was that long to vote and they wouldn't hurry it up.

16. I can't believe these guys on the snowplows haven't been on our street, losers.

17. It wasn't my fault! The streets were icy and that's a dumb spot for a stoplight anyway.

We look forward to tomorrow.

See ya then at 5 a.m.