Contact Us

Bad News, Fellas: Masturbation Apparently Does Not Cure Insomnia

Man having trouble sleeping
iStockphoto

Medical experts have concluded that petting the walrus for Jesus, wrestling the bald-headed champ, punchin’ the munchkin, bopping the bologna, beating off, masturbating, or whatever you choose to call playing with yourself will not help a person fall asleep – no matter how much they do it. Shucks.

In fact, while scientists say that stroking the old one-eyed weasel as a means to getting some shut eye has been closely linked in the past, there is just no substantial evidence that proves that j’ing o into an old gym sock is any more beneficial to taming a rabid insomniac than say, counting sheep. Counting, not mounting! Stay with us!

Well boys, it looks like science has yet again screwed us out of another one of life’s simple pleasures by putting it underneath a microscope. However, we’re not buying into this anti-whacker propaganda. After all, do you know how many times we’ve stirred from a good night’s sleep with our limp noodles still in our hands? We’ll give you a hint: A lot!

Next: Woman Kills Boyfriend With Her Boobs

Best of 103.7 The Hawk

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://kmhk.com using your original account information.

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for Rockaholics quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!

Sign up to have exclusive Rockaholics contests, events, coupons, presales, and much more delivered to you for FREE.