Seventh. That's where the United States stands in the brew guzzling record books. Seventh. SEVENTH!!! Come on people! WE CAN DO BETTER!!!!


getty images


Let's breakdown the stats and see if we can find any way to correct this embarrassing and serious lack of effort.

1.  Americans spend an average of $356.20 each on beer a year.  That's the seventh most in the world.  Australia spends the most, at $747.90, followed by Ireland, Finland, New Zealand, Venezuela, and the U.K.

2.  Even though we spend the seventh most, we only drink the 14th most, 217 beers per person per year.  The Czech Republic drinks the most, 419 beers per person per year.

OMG!!!! It's worse than I thought!! Go get a beer right now and then we'll continue...

3.  The Ukraine spends the least on beer, $72.69 per person.  But that's not because they don't drink beer, their beers are just the cheapest in the world, at an average of 59 cents for a bottle.

Let's stop pretending the culprit isn't Vodka.

4.  The best selling beer in the world is a Chinese beer called Snow Beer, which you've never heard of.  Of the brands you've heard of, Budweiser is third, Bud Light is fifth, Corona is sixth, Heineken is eighth, and Coors Light is ninth.

Let's see if we can't get Angry Hanks to the top of this list. WE CAN DO IT!!

5.  The most expensive beers in the world are usually in Muslim countries where drinking alcohol is illegal, except in some hotels.  A beer in Iran costs $7.71, in Kuwait it's $7.09, and in the UAE it's $6.20.

I've paid that much at a Major League Ballpark. And didn't have to worry about being decapitated. And the closest I got to being stoned to death was some second hand ganja wafting my way from the guy a couple rows down.

So there you have it. We have our work cut out for us. But I believe in you America! Independence day is just around the corner. Let's all get a keg and a fistful of bottle rockets and turn this thing around!!! Really, what could go wrong?