NBC gets its multicolored peacock feathers kicked in the ratings week after week. Even its morning juggernaut ‘The Today Show’ has lost some shine off Matt Lauer’s forever-balding dome. (Seriously, the dude has been losing hair since the late 90’s. It’s time to go Kevorkian on those last few follicles.) The once mighty broadcasting bird is banking big money on the summer games.

Unfortunately, America doesn’t really care. We care about gold medal tallies, bong ripper Phelps totally sinking into history and the multiple sob stories videos that will be shown about the athletes (all set to the tune of Taylor Swift). There is, however, an Olympic event in which every American would have an interest, but it doesn’t involve a test of strength, stamina or whoever can jump and twirl the highest with a ribbon. It does involve poles, hurdling and sweating if they’re doing it the right way. It’s all that gold medal boinking going on in Olympic Village.

Hope Solo said more people get medals on their chest in the bushes of Olympic Village than on the ceremony stands. The head of the Olympic committee says her stories are unfounded and there haven’t been any instances of any pommel horsing around. He sounds just like a parent that swears his innocent daughter isn’t sexually active at the exact same moment the senior with the BMW is punching his daughter’s “v-card” on dad’s new pool table. We’re not naive Mr. Chairman – drop that many sexually charged young adults in one giant Gomorrah for two weeks and the Olympic Rings symbol might as well be replaced with used condoms.

This is where NBC and their coverage of these summer games comes into play – while the cameras are catching the sprinters from Brazil and the shuttlecockers from China compete on the field, why not have a couple eye in the sky cameras focused on what’s going on in the dorms and bunks of the world’s most elite athletes? ‘Big Brother’ for the buff and beautiful. ‘The Real World’ starring the actual real world. It’s a ratings goldmine.  A split screen showing a young man from Ecuador diving for his country and another young man from the UK diving for his cun…you get the idea.

Come on NBC. The sex in the Olympics is real “must-see TV.”

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