The Official Rules for Taking a Dump at Work
A hysterical website called CollegeHumor.com recently posted an excellent article titled "Rules for Pooping in the Work Place Bathroom". While there is certainly nothing wrong with dropping a deuce on the job, there is a right and a wrong way to do it. For the most part, the College Humor list is spot on. However, there are a few additions I would like to make.
Rule #1. Under no circumstances is the person on the throne ever to be engaged in a conversation. Whatever you have to say to that person can wait. And while you're at it, keep the grunting to a minimum.
Rule #2. Have the decency to give your co-workers a courtesy flush. Most likely, you're gonna stink up the john. Be considerate enough to spare your colleagues the full brunt of your rectal fury.
Rule #3. Drop the hits and get off the commode. There may be others who need to use the toilet, especially during the peak hours first thing in the morning and after lunch. Handle your business, but do as quickly as you possibly can.
Rule #4. Don't send text messages or e-mails from the toilet. That's just bad form. A properly executed workplace evacuation requires concentration. Respect the process.
Rule #5. After you wash up and are preparing to leave the restroom, give a warning to any colleagues who may be headed in behind you. Something like, "Hey man, you might want to give that a minute" will suffice.