The NFL postseason has arrived and while a dozen teams chase the Vince Lombardi Trophy, you may want to temper your excitement because we think these NFL playoffs will actually go down as the least exciting in history.

Here’s why:

1. No Rex Ryan and no Rob Ryan means no ridiculous quotes, although we won’t be surprised when Rex declares the Jets are still the team to beat in the Super Bowl.

2. Bill Belichick. That means no ridiculous quotes. Actually, that means no interesting quotes whatsoever.

3. Tim Tebow. There’s a good chance he’s going to be the first QB in NFL history to actually throw for negative yards in a game.

4. The Cincinnati Bengals are in the playoffs. Isn’t that one of the signs of the apocalypse?

5. The Detroit Lions are in the playoffs. That’s definitely one of the signs of the apocalypse.

6. Peyton Manning won’t be playing, but Alex Smith will. We have officially entered ‘The Twilight Zone.’

7. The commercials aren’t fun. Those Coors Light ads with a mini Mike Ditka and a mini Dennis Green make us long for the commercials with the coaches seemingly answering questions about beer during press conferences.

8. The Green Bay Packers are the team to beat and they’re just so darned likeable. That’s no fun. Our only chance at excitement is that win or lose, the Bengals could go on crime spree the likes of which we’ve never seen.

9. The networks are way too interested in showing Tom Brady instead of Gisele.

Drew Weisholtz is a funny guy. Unless you didn’t like this, in which case he’s simply using a pseudonym. He’s written for ABC and other online outlets and does standup comedy in front of actual people. You can follow him on Twitter @undrstoodgenius.

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