You reached out to Barb to ask some questions, and we’ve got Barb’s answers for you!

Thanks to everyone who reached out with your questions.

O.k. so a friend that I know is a cross between a werewolf and a wolverine. I am talking the bad one. Victor, or whatever his name was from the X-Men Prequel. Type-A personality and bestial strength when enraged (or drunk)and Type II Bipolar. Is it theoretically possible for this guy (who scares most women away when in "normal" mode) to even explore sexual extremes beyond the conventional?


Went past those boundaries last year and became dangerous, atavistic and off-center for months. Confirmed heterosexual and happy with being so...just trying to figure some stuff out to explore straight guy boundaries with women. Has a HORRIBLE track record.Small dogs and kids not afraid of him. Kind of a Frankenstein monster really.


Even with continuing counseling, is this guy just destined to be a creepazoid forever? Maybe he should just focus on important stuff and forget dating and relationships, yes?


Friend of a Medicated Monster


Dear Friend of Frankenstein,

I think your friend needs to evaluate his medications or at the very least, see a different doctor. If his doctor is stealing body parts from graves and piecing them together in his office, it could be an indication of someone who shouldn’t be practicing medicine. But for real, tell him to stop drinking if it turns him into a monster.  Duh!  As for exploring sexual extremes, are we talking  “Shades of Grey” extreme or donkeys and leather masks?  Either way, I wouldn't recommend any of that until he gets other things other control.

If he has any female friends he can talk to, ask them about proper, non-creepy behavior.  Perhaps the guy just needs to go back dating 101 and start with the basics: be polite, be sincere, be genuine, be respectful. That’s as basic as you can get!

- Barb

Dear Cougar,


Why are women’s expectations so high?  No matter what I try, with several women I’ve dated, nothing is ever good enough.  If I send flowers, her friend’s bouquet was bigger.  If I ask her where she wants to go for dinner, she’ll say she doesn’t care and then she’s unhappy with my choice.  Do I genuinely need to be psychic or are there signals that I am not picking up on?


Psychically Challenged


Dear Psychically Challenged,

OK. First of all, women’s expectations are so high because since childhood we’ve been programmed to believe that each and every one of us has a Prince Charming waiting behind a bush to jump out at us and our animal friends and sweep us off out feet. No conflict. No getting to know you. No baggage. Now, hopefully, we know that this is absolutely ridiculous. BUT…and this is a BIG BUT…it takes YEARS for women to realize that MEN ARE HUMAN!!!!! Sweetie, that’s why you look for a woman over 40. ;)

But seriously ( and I wasn’t totally kidding before) girls are trained at a young age to expect a Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet. We DO believe in soul mates (for a time, please!) because that’s how we’re trained!!! Look at Disney, for Pete’s sake. We bombard our little girls with role models who are helpless and waiting for a strong, perfect man to rescue them. NOT a real man with faults, smells, or body hair that gets stuck in our teeth. We’ve never been trained how to deal with that! We do NOT know how to interact with a man with bodily functions or back hair. Disney boys are perfect; perfect bodies…perfect chests…perfect breeding…….sigh……wait……what were we talking about?

RIGHT! Reality. As far as expectations go, girls will always be ridiculous. I’m being honest here. As a single gal, for years I secretly envied the flowers other girls get, but as soon as I get some of my own…NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Awful, I realize but we’re all about honesty here. I wish I could tell you there’s some magic solution that will fix everything. There isn’t. A lot of the time, we don’t know what we want. If you really like us, HANG IN THERE as long as you can. We do soften up with time as we figure stuff out.

Keep trying. If she continues to go out with you, she’s into you to some degree. Keep trying.

Good luck.


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